The King Is Dead

Through my vague love affair with short term alcoholism i lost the entirety of today, mainly to a combination of post vomit depression and bed covers. Last night was pretty fun regardless, i got a lot of welled up over processed thoughts out of my head, much to the bewilderment of whoever was subjected to it. I noticed a few things, i never really talk about or mention people these days, it becomes difficult after the initial channels are exercised to have anything worth saying, anecdotal stuff obviously, but pride in people i know or have known is elusive. One thing i realised quite clearly while i've been here as well as through good conversation and videography is that my idealism would be misplaced to expect other people to share some of the ambition i possess, or have any need for it. There are a lot of over complicated things i seriously want to get into, or achieve in the patheticly tiny portion of time i;ll have in the realm of the living, and i think my paths are too cluttered to really enjoy my life, or the prospect of a future right now. It's 5 am and i haven't really attempted sleep yet, it'd probably make my hangover infinitely less damaging but whatever, i've found enough comfort in simple pleasures, ice cream and zelda, back to primary school habits. Anyway, i've spiralled off in all kinds of directions away from the reason i initially sat down to type my mind out a little bit on here. I guess chilling with one of the few people in this place who've actually had something decent to them has made me go back over some old mental ideas, just the fact of being sheltered from real life not just in this place but in general, apart from for a few forays into the unknown, most people here would place this "gap" or whatever it is as their experience, to take back and show off to family and friends, the same as the head in the sand mentality so many gap year workers do to go and experience how the poor folk live in a third world country or something, for no more reason than self satisfaction or vanity. I'm being overly cynical, another thing i realised over a lot of issues through my latest epiphanetical phase(is that a new word?), but i think i have a clearer idea on a few things now. Vague is easier, and my quiet ambition is no more tamed, but hopefully a little focussed. As long as busyness and productivity are maintained, i can do anything alone, but im starting to wish for company of mental kin a lot more lately. It's been so long that any eloquence i may have possessed is rusted solid, i await more grease eagerly.

Very well, goodnight, oh and chong is one for the books.