EMBARRASSING.

Eggshell white, those doors. To betray a little of their intentions, I suppose. Each indent and pinhole etching it's surface looked so carefully placed, as delicately considered as the carvings on a memorial. Thinking of each dot being the mark of anyone who'd ever hung their thoughts to dry right there at my eye level, it could be considered a silent memorial itself, in it's own particular way. I stood for a few minutes in a haze of thoughts and a lack of function, my eyes flickering between specks of dust as if searching for some magic eye puzzle, avoiding issues and the simple process of removing my hands from their all too familiar position within the oversized pockets of my fathers jacket, and placing one on the door handle. That, at the very least, would be a start.
The auditorium itself was not so different to the image my mind had conjured, deformed, rebuilt and dissected over the past few hours. Different faces, different mothers and fathers, some who'd probably sat there themselves to hear knowledge pass their eardrums, while busying themselves with the important matters; notes under desks, chewing gum, paper airplanes, daydreams..
But here I am being the generic one. Are all my facts, thoughts and impulses based on movies and daytime TV? No, no, I think not. As usual, a few are here to learn, that reserved glint in the eye, a tortured arrogance built upon a total disregard for the anthropological whirlpool around them that is social life at a high school. Oh and lest I forget, usually the self loathing that comes with it, a desire to enjoy life with that same reckless abandon, then the hatred for even suggesting such an option to yourself, daring to infringe upon the ideals you'd base every moment of eye contact and cynical brush of the tongue on. Those were the ones that would learn. Too much too young usually, to the point of an apathy towards the application or use of this knowledge in later life, but so it goes.
I cast my eyes toward the lecturer, leather face, white hair, a light grey suit and tie, white shirt. Basic, efficient. He wasn't a part of the old guard, and part of this always struck me as odd. You never picture freshly hired staff being elderly, taking new positions at 60. No babes in the woods, these, with their reasons and demons. Still possessing that need to speak, like the preacher unto his deathbed, their thoughts flung through the air like boomerangs, each word that reverberated back serving as but another strike to hammer home the confidence in their beliefs. These characters are always engaging, regardless of their words, and his were spoken with vigour. I rested my hand on the nearest pine bench and took a seat. The board behind his wizened frame read something about photography, but without my glasses I couldn't quite make it out at this distance. I imagine, in fact, without my glasses I wouldn't make much of a photographer at all.
“In spite of my protests to my long suffering wife and anyone else who'll listen, we are in the 'digital age'”(he raised his wiry hands at this point to make the appropriate gesture, hooves aloft in surrender), “and as a result those like myself are nearing the point of becoming obsolete. Well, that's not my point, but it's something for you young bucks to consider before you all eventually turn into computers. At risk of sounding older than I already am, in my day to photograph subjects and events you had to have an idea in mind before pulling the trigger. Every shot counted, and without the luxury of memory disks and cards, a more restrained approach was required. Your mind and eyes are attached, and thus should operate in that way. What do you want to say about your subject? At a concert, with 5 photos left on your film to aptly document the experience, what do you shoot? This is where restraint is invaluable! Sure, nowadays it's easy to photograph everything and anything and sift through the carnage later to salvage a few useable frames, but I stress, this does not get you anywhere! Choose your subjects wisely, think atmosphere, tone, concept and perception. Moments may present themselves too you, and if you have your camera ready, then perfect. Moments may present themselves to you, but if your camera is already ferociously flashing everything in your path then not in a million years you will not notice them! This is what makes photography exciting. You inevitably show your own personality in your coverage of the world around you, and it's important to let this expose itself, as it's what makes you, as an artist unique.” My short sighted eyes got lost between the wisps of his white hair and the blackboard behind and his words became intertwined with my own thoughts until the two were indistinguishable from one another.



AND thats as far as i got. It's pretty shit.