Juicy

So the last few days have been a blur, i've totally forgotten what sleep feels like, being commited to the high life on your days off takes its toll. But regardless of minor embarassments, cringiness and general slaughtering of humanity, it's been very good, from epic 5 hour chats with distant friends to the same with those close to (my recent)home. Anyway, what the fuck have i been doing, i basically decided that instead of judging everything before i let myself experience it(such an english fault), i'd just let it all happen and ride with it, possibly influenced by copious amounts of beer etc, but it was worthwhile, i did the most laddish thing ever in doing pub golf with pretty much everyone from work, a few good other people and some tagalong annoying girls, which ended up being so entertaining purely out of seeing people just dealing with drinking to a proper extent, i guess my dad being australian and my tendencies towards 70's of cheap spirits have let my tolerance maintain enough to revel in others alcoholic misfortunes rather than endure my own. Apart from not being dressed up, something i partly regret now, it's the first time in my life, and probably the only time that i've felt out of place for not wearing a golfers outfit, it was just good, un pressured, chilled and entertaining, seeing a few friends leave the town was a little sad, more time could've been spent together for sure and maybe will be, but it was a good buzz. So, pup golf/martin ruffin - 1, life/the man - 0. Still annoyed at Dean for leaving with bird but it cannot be helped, he knows and so do we all.
I don't really know why i'm writing this now as i haven't slept since wednesday night, but i guess i'm rolling now and the ball won't stop, and as of tonight i realised how good a record was to keep.
So last night, i spontaneously decided to go to a pals birthday night who i'd met once in a hot tub, surreal, which ended up being decidedly ridiculous, my mind has not left itself in such a manner for a long time, calming down was never on the agenda, but once again i feel like a human, so it's all good. It's a shame i'm only really putting myself out there so much now as my shifts/work dies down, when people tend to be disappearing, rather than earlier in the season when people were probably more open to new scenes, i guess i tended to rely on friends out of history, convenience and shit. Well, not so much, i've done a lot better than i would've back home, but now i feel i guess i'm doing myself more justice, i don't know. Code code code, i realised tonight, a lot of this stream of conciousness bullshit probably makes no sense to anyone but me and my strange grasp on language and crypticism, but i guess that's why i do it, anyone who cares can pick out something. OK, nice. So from now feeling real for a good 14 hours starting at 9 last night and dealing with work today has really made me into something good, and it was a treat to not lose a day today, do some writing, recording, even go out and just have a mellow night with good friends and good conversations for a change, something i'd been missing. I'd forgotten how good getting mildly drunk was on the same level as everyone else.

Ok, i'm going to sleep now as i'm not sure whether i'll feel like a different, neurotic, psychotic douchebag again when i wake up, so take care world, i am into you.

PS. As i'm sure a few select people will be glad to know, i have finally, truly stopped sweating.